Lingering stresses

Yet again. I’m not tired of worrying on whoever, but my family. Another relative has been involved in an accident and is now facing serious charges and threats of prosecution and threats. The thing is I think I’m the closest (in proximity) relative he had in Manila since he hails from Davao. He’s here (actually based in Subic) for some rewarding job. Not until he figured in an accident involving hiss vehicle (a reconditioned car he bought from Subic, known for surplus & smuggled vehicles). Accidents indeed happen but in his case, a malfunction in the machine or parts has rendered the car to lose its breaks and bumped into several other vehicles. Now the scenario is that damages cost him a huge amount of money. Worst, he learned that some of those  supposedly victims have been adding trump up damages in their vehicles, thereby increasing their monetary claims. This forced him to temporarily seek a safer abode due to grave threats from the victims.  Now while facing this dilemma, he was also trying to point the blame to the sub-standard condition of the vehicle. With this, I was able to secure contact infos with a lawmaker from Subic area to at least brought up his case. Right now, I’m trying to reach out to consumer advocates/agencies and raise this concern.

Initially, I wasn’t blaming him for patronizing these vehicles knowing that the LGU or SBMA for that matter allows it inside its jurisdiction, meaning its legitimate. And a wiser reason is that its relatively cheaper compared to brand new units. On second thought, I was also thinking that this would serve as a stern warning to those with vehicles from the same source and those who still plan to acquire in such arrangements to reconsider their plans.

Still I’m hopeful that he can pass this through. Right now I’m helpless and stressed  pondering on this,  seemingly due to an impending threat primarily on his safety. On top of a busy and tiring work sked, this worries me everytime my mother reminds  me to attend to this glitch. tsk

Excruciating

Its emotional torture really to be in a situation where you are in a crossroads of decision. It pains, an excruciating one. There are those where you are sitting soundly in some comfortable corner, while a vast number of people are in deep problems; there are those who are lingering with their respective illnesses; and those suffering from excruciating emotional torture brought about by indecisiveness. I always lay claim to be the uncompromising and proactive person, yet when things are already right before me, I cant help but get dumb. And that pains me.

Second Chances

Second chance i mean, second chance of  life. Had it not been for that mighty poles of bamboo we cling upon, Im not certain if we’re still alive today or had survived the onslaught of typhoon Ondoy still fit and fine. I’m just thankful for an extended existence and more so, the experience of getting near the end. With regards, that I acknowledge the heroism  of one of our comrades for courageously braving the raging waters to assemble a makeshift raft that evacuated at least 10 of our neighbors, mostly children. He’s one of the many strangers-turned-heroes, who  seized the day and  risk their lives for others.

We were in Marikina on that fateful Saturday at the height of the deluge. Everything went off the brink except a cellphone and several cash.

Notes on reconsideration and resignation

I’m really pissed off just now. Out of nowhere, our boss is implying to me in particular to reconsider my position and worse, my stay in the office. That would mean, resignation. I’m not sure if it was a stern warning, a reprimand or an order of some sort. I don’t want to dwell on the idea or entertain such a scenario, but one thing is for sure, I’d like to be challenged. And so far, this is a tougher test.

Something to think about

Something to contemplate tonight: shock-absorber.

It came to me, as if lightning strikes my ego, the realization that more often than not I tend to pass on my emotional ‘loads’, rather than containing it. Although I don’t see it as an unfair way of dealing with it,  I’m bothered if that’s the wise thing to do in the maximum. It guilts me to think of the many times that unconsciously, I drag my self in into a wholesome engagement thinking I have something to offer or share to- as bits and pieces of inspiring words and the likes, only to find out that I was just there to contain the loneliness and insecurities, in the hope of superimposing a general tone of melancholy. And then the following day, all would turn out well, thus it is boring. And yet, there are these people who stay by yourside, conscientiously waiting and standing by. For all I care, they’re there as shock absorbers, nothing else.

Self-Deprivation

It has been a while since I broke the ‘habits’.  It just came to me that as I get older, I have to be decisive in my decisions, more so that at risks are my health and well-being. This is no deviant act, rather a conscious effort to test the waters inside- contradiction that is.  

But this is best said than done. At the receiving end is my will and utmost control. That is to mean, self-deprivation.

Sudden surge of events

Today, I once again proved that change follows contradiction. And as suprises really come in no time, so with people and things around you. The last thing you’d know, people  close to you are entagled in some compromise, or shall I say contradiction. And by nature’s law, they have to pay the price of selfishness so to say. And thus change in the usual routine and set up has be effected. In no time, we’ll be set apart. And everything laid before us won’t transpire as planned.

It saddens me to encounter these unnecessary circumstances. But we have to bear this yet another contradiction in the midst of our fight with the people.

I know, things won’t be the same again. But in the name of this enduring fight, I’d stood firm and focus.

Passing away too soon, too close

Death really comes in no time, for so many reasons and in no particular order. Sometimes, it takes your love ones to vanish in the face of the earth in a spur of a moment. And at times, it takes a sweep.

My sadness and anxiety doubled just now, upon hearing yet another death in the family. Just Tuesday last week, a cousin was interd his resting place after he drowned due to surging flood waters in a nearby creek by their farm hut.

Then comes this text message from my sister breaking me the bad news.Succumbing to some internal complications was his older brother, kuya dodo.

I just can’t imagine how nanay sita is feeling right now, losing 2 sons in just a matter of 2 weeks. The same goes with mama who has been very close to them despite the spatial distance.

I’d like to pay a visit to them, but monetary constraintswon’t allow me. In the immediate, mama and papa would represent us there. We could only say prayers and hopes that everything would go the way it should go and best for best them.

As I said, the anxiety has doubled. My mind is playing right now, that probably in the next lifetime, we’ll see each other.The fact being, I won’t be there to condole with his family, esp my nephews and nieces. Worse, I wouldn’t not see them ever in warm and cold blood. And for that, everything wouldn’t be the same again comes our planned reunion sometime soon. May you rest in peace!

Apologies and Making ups

I’d like to convince myself that I did the rightful turn when I delayed a previous commitment for a birthday dinner with a friend. I was caught in between going out and staying briefly (actually it was way too long) for an equally worthy meeting. But then damage has been done. I came terminally short of the waiting time forcing her to just spend the time with somebody else. Everything just happened so spontaneously that our discussion in the meeting went with emotions, and so our presence there was equally necessary, thus my decision to stay. On the other side of the fence, I can well imagine her disappointment (or rather the anger). But then again, I have to decide on where to go, and the condition enjoins me to stay. Anyway, we still have 2 or 3hours to spend with, probably over coffee or bevs before her day ends. I should understand her when I learned she was already home by the time we were done. And taking the blame and guilt, I rushed to her for some explanation (btw, I seldom do this).  Good thing, I still had her over sticks of Marlboro black where she unloaded her frustrations, thereby torturing me just enough. I owe you one dear. And I’d make up for that.

Pressure and Discomfort

It is discomforting to know that some peers around are putting pressure on you on some serious emotional matters. I never entertain gestures like that before but it seems to me, or maybe I was just exaggerating, that they are already setting scenario in their minds or doubts about my intentions. Relationship is after all not dictated. It is supposedly goes by  a process. Probably, they were just excited seeing me in some place of happiness but I can assure you that I’m not into that kind. Indeed. I’ve been very passive until now because up to this moment, I am not yet resolved with my disposition on this matters. I’m not sure of my emotions, much more my reaction to  their moves except for my priorities. And feeling the pressure is another thing.  Rest assured however that the feeling remains.