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Emancipation June 12, 2008

Posted by pilibustero in Personal.
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At 2:35 pm today, I’ve made a self serving feat of expression. Although it never went fully as planned, it goes without saying that I’m at bliss as of this writing. It surmounts the idea of equal satisfaction as it pounded a big sigh of relief from days of uncertainties. I’m not used with gestures of affection and the likes. I’d rather say things unblatantly than making it appear as if accomplishing something out of dictate. If I am to do it, I’d make it sure, it is kindled by that fiery feeling of say admiration. In this case, it was more than that.

Its been sometime since the last feeling was gone, at least a year after I entered the university. I couldn’t imagine the futility inside me than waiting under a tree waiting for the fruit to fall. And here comes another unassuming subject of affection, but not really the previous feeling at all, hence, it went absurdly lost like a raging bull. But in all honesty, I’ve been very unfair to still hold to her without sense of affirmations whatsoever. But I decided to settle on a plain of intimate friendship. And it ends there.

I counted months thereafter before you arrived in this fountain of misery. I should describe it that way and at no cost. After all, the providence of aches and pains mean nothing to anyone other than myself. Unknowingly, it came to me as a surprise. I was limited of the view that it would came to pass. But pristine as it came, the feeling was nurtured in naturality to where it is now. And for two years now, the feeling remains. Nothing has changed. The only pitfall being, I don’t know if she has changed. That continuously lingers on my imagination.

I learned she has been to much of personal struggles lately. But she remains the smarter fighter. By her looks, you can’t find any traces of irregularities. But her eyes reflects it all. That I see to it to look straight into it and drain all the joys and pains altogether in my mind. It’s nearly a month since I last saw that windows of her soul. As much, I’ve always wanted to have her around, but the two years of futility persistently fades that possibility. It came to my psyche that I should relinquish this mania for probabilities and certainties. On the other hand, I am already adapted to it. Whichever comes first, I’d be okay with that.

If she is the future, I could settle for that. If she really is not bound, then I’d gratefully accept that. My only consolation is having explored the possibility of sparing a part of me for quiet some time. I have lived through these times, and I said earlier, it’ll remain. That I have onced loved, and that would lingers on me forever. At least at this point in time, I paved a way for emancipation.The path being, if time allows, a commencement of an end.


Couldn’t wish you more than bliss.

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